Since I found out about the babies, I’ll admit I’ve spent a fair bit of time sprawled out on my bed, trying not to throw up and napping. To pass away the time, I often find myself sobbing over the plethora of birth shows on TLC and DiscoveryHealth.
Often I cry at the beautiful babies being born. I’m finding myself especially interested in the shows about multiples, hoping to catch a glimpse or a clue as to how this birth is going to go for us. But just as often, I find myself getting angry– angry at the so-called health professionals who tell mothers they can’t birth naturally, angry at the formula industry that sends breastfeeding mothers home with bottles of formula, angry with the parents who sit by and let others make decisions for them instead of trusting their hearts.
That’s a lot of anger.
I have four children, and each birth has been very, very different. Michael was 2 weeks late, induced, with lots of drugs and several failed epidurals, 27 hours of active labor, 2 hours of pushing and ending up in a forceps delivery. Katie Grace was completely natural, with most of my labor happening at home with a doula, born in the hospital a half-hour after we arrived. Nicholas was induced after a month of bedrest for hypertension, with some drug relief, but a vaginal birth. Daniel was born at home on bed, completely natural. I’ve had epidurals, episiotomies, perineal massage, pitocin induction, labors where my water is artificially ruptured and labors where the bag of waters was intact right up until delivery. I’ve experienced just about everything except Cesarean and premature birth, and I’m facing the fact that, with twins, both of those could be a very real possibility.
And you know what? In the face of all that I’ve decided that I better places to direct my energy than to judge other women for their birth choices.
Early on in this mama gig, I decided that what I wanted, more than anything else, was for others to respect my choices. Even when people disagree with me, I want them to acknowledge that our decisions were made from a place of informed consent and that the foundation of our choices is that we love our children and want the very best for them. And I also realized that if I wanted that sort of respect, I needed to extend that same courtesy to other parents.
I’m not saying it’s easy. I’ve been working with new mothers through La Leche League for 10 years now, and it can be a struggle not to judge when you hear mothers making choices that lead to less than optimal outcomes. But I’m making a pledge: I pledge not to get sucked into the Mommy Wars. I pledge to direct my anger not at women who are bullied and fed a steady diet of half truths and out and out lies, but at a culture that has steadily been stripping away mother’s natural wisdom for centuries. I pledge to do my best to support every mother in her choices, having faith that they are made with the best information she has available with her little ones’ best interests at heart. And I hope that, no matter what happens this time around, those I love can do the same for me.
*hugs* I agree, mommy wars stink
For what it’s worth – my first baby was a preemie, by c-section! It’s not all that’s cracked up to be, but i am thankful for that technology that saved her very life.
I wish you much love and light and pray on your twins pregnancy journey. I truly hope it’s as awesome and as uneventful as the rest of them have been for those I’ve known recently (2 in the last year).
I think we beat ourselves up enough over the choices that we make…who needs someone else to do it?
My daughter was born 4 days late. I was induced, it didn’t work and after 15 hours they ended up doing a c-section. I was bummed (still am sometimes), but in the end I have a healthy and happy daughter. Would I have done things differently had I known? Maybe, but we don’t get those options. In the end, it worked for us and I’m ok with that.
Good luck to you and your twins!
I used to be.a staunch supporter of home birth after having three home births. However the more I talk to other women and hear different birth stories the more I have come to believe in an informed birth. As long as a woman can tell me that at least educated herself about her birth options then I will respect whatever she chooses.
i was told at a very young age that if i were to ever become pregnant a vaginal birth would not be in mine or the babies best intrests. so when i became pregnant with my daughter i researched and planned . i actually had to switch doctors in the middle of my pregnancy because my first doctor was telling me i had to try vaginal birth first. my personal choice was to not put the baby through something so dangerous if i didnt have to.(it was just in my own personally situation that made it dangerous) the c- section went amazeing for me and my recovery was great. i get a lot of issues from people who say i should have atleast tried but i know i did the best thing for my daughter and i. im glad other people recognize that you should know all your options and my make the best decision for your family, even if people dont agree.