Today I am making a very public confession/announcement in the hopes that it helps me let go and move on.

I am not a Waldorf homeschooler.

I’m not happy about it and I feel like a great big failure,  but after three months of trying to fit a square peg in a round hole, I am admitting that I just can’t do it anymore.

I can’t do it with my seventh grader, who just doesn’t respond to it anymore.

I can’t do it with my fifth grader, who was rather creatively using all that time I spent on other children’s main lessons as “mess around and do pretty much anything but work” time.

I can’t do it with my second grader, who is still struggling with reading and needs a different approach.

I can’t do it with my preschooler, who was pretty much running wild all day and getting no attention.

I can’t do it with my babies, who are into everything and for some reason do not fancy being set down all day. Not to mention that I fact that I don’t want to put them down all day– they are squishalicious and I love them and want to be with them during the day.

I can’t do the intensive hour upon hour of planning that are necessary to run three main lesson blocks at a time AND an early childhood routine with my four-year-old.

Mostly, I just can’t do it with my six children at our particular stage of life.

And it sucks.

Don’t get me wrong– there are things I love too much to let go and I will still incorporate them into our day. Circle time, our art rhythms, the beauty and simplicity we find in the daily rhythm, main lesson books, chalk drawings, crafting together– they’ll all still be there. As a matter of fact, I am hoping that by freeing up the 10 plus hours a week I was spending on planning, they’ll be there even more than ever before. We’ll still tell fairy tales and introduce Aesop’s fables and try to really focus on some of the main lesson blocks for each child. We’ll still gnome up the math. But what will be missing in the main lesson format and the three day rhythm.

I am mostly OK with this.

I’m looking forward to feeling less stressed. While I know there are Waldorf curricula out there that spell everything out on a day by day basis, they’re just too expensive or too mama-intensive or both.

So what will be doing? We’re switching over to  more classical approach. Using Tapestry of Grace as our spine, I’m hoping to stick with a Waldorf approach to math. Science will be done together with a biology emphasis, although I hope to hit hard on Botany for Katie Grace and may switch Michael over to Apologia. Michael and Katie both have Rod and Staff for grammar and Nicholas is doing First Language Lessons. Spelling is Catholic Heritage Curricula for Nicholas, Sequential Spelling for Katie Grace, and Michael is doing Vocabulary Vine. Tapestry of Grace will cover history, writing, geography, literature, fine arts and Bible. Nicholas will continue on with Ordinary Parents Guide to Teaching Reading and A Reason for Handwriting, although I hope to also include form drawing as well. I’m not sure yet if we’ll be adding Latin or not. We’ll be doing as much as we possibly can together.

So… onward and upward.
First step:

Second step:
Create a workable schedule and stick with it.

Third step:
Be content that I am doing the best I can with what I have. Accept that, at least for a season, I will just have to be a somewhat Waldorf-inspired, classical leaning, simple living mama doing the best she can to raise little saints.
Fourth Step:
Reclaim the joy I once had in homeschooling. After all, my main goal was not to be a Waldorf homeschooler, but a JOYFUL homeschooler.