Breathe it in… breathe it out…

This morning was one of those mornings I needed things to go right (as they usually do) and instead the Universe seemed as if it was conspiring against me to make everything go wrong.

I had a 9 am appointment to observe three classes at the local Waldorf school. I was SO EXCITED. I can’t even tell you. Generally, I wake Nicholas up at 6:45 which is also in time to say goodbye to Katie. Nick leaves at 7:15. I have 15 quiet minutes to get a shower before waking three littles. I get dressed, they get dressed, I make coffee, they get water bottles and snacks, and we’re out the door around 8:10 and get to school around 8:40 for breakfast. School starts at 9:10, so this is all pretty awesome. I made sure they knew that this morning I would just be dropping them off and wouldn’t be joining them for breakfast. The Montessori school they go to is just a couple blocks from the Waldorf school, so this should have been no problem.

We didn’t get out the door until 8:20. I forgot my coffee. Daniel forgot his glasses. Matthew insisted he needed to bring his boys choir music to school. Molly said she wasn’t feeling well. Katie was texting me that she wasn’t feeling well. Michael was texting me from college. And then? Traffic. It was absolutely miserable. I use Waze and every possible route was red. Meanwhile, I had to put a last minute phone call to my ex to let him know he would need to be available for the possibly sick kids while I was unavailable. He was fine with it, but I felt yucky asking last minute.

As we drove, I felt my stress level rising every moment I saw the arrival time move later. We were at the highpoint of our audio book, The Wind in the Door, and Matty was in the back singing loudly from his Newsies score and snapping the rings of his binder open and shut. I started to feel annoyed and felt myself snapping a bit. It probably doesn’t help that I am on Prednisone right now for an illness.

Beautiful print from Etsy seller SpellandTell
Beautiful print from Etsy seller SpellandTell

Thankfully, something reminded me to breathe. I breathed in all the goodness– bonus time with my children, an exciting opportunity to visit the Waldorf school, the wonderful opportunities that might be ahead of me– and I breathed out the negatives– the fear, the guilt, the worry. And I thought, what good would it do to get there on time, but full of negative energy and unhappiness? How can I go spend time with other children if I am being snappish and grumpy with my own?

And we sat in the car together, listening to Meg and Charles Wallace’s reunion, and I reminded them that I loved them. We talked about how much Matty loves choir, and how happy the twins were to be at school and how lucky they were to have a big brother to walk them to breakfast and to class. We talked about Madeleine L’Engle and deepening  and how every person, every moment is important. And we spent those extra moments loving each other instead of worrying.

And it was a very good day.