Sometimes I feel as if I am straddling two worlds.
One world whispers to me that I have to have “me time.” I need to get away from my children, my husband, my home and take time to do something that is solely for myself. This world tells me that in order to be whole, I have to grab these moments for me.
The other world says no, this isn’t so. My world is my children, my husband, my home, and to steal time away from them for myself is selfish. This world tells me that in order to be whole, I should accept my vocation and not long for more than I have been given.
It becomes a game, like holding my breath under water. How long can I go without breaking away? Because truly, I am an introvert. I can’t recharge in chaos. Rather, I need regular doses of being alone in order to make this crazy life of mine work. Attachment parenting six children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week doesn’t come easy for me. In fact, there is no way I can do it without little breaks here and there to fill my tank back up.
Is that selfish? Maybe. But at the end of the day I have to believe that the One who wired me this way knows and understands me. If it is a weakness, I have to believe that it is a weakness that, in the end, makes me a stronger and better mother.
Is it a myth? I have to wonder if maybe all these women who rail against “me time” are simply created differently and do not require time alone. As for me, I remember that even Christ Jesus had a need to get away from the crowd and wander off alone. And so I steal my moments here and there, wandering not off into the Wilderness and temptation, but into the arms of my Father. I pray a little and recharge a lot, and come back to my family refreshed and ready to begin again.
I am willing to accept that not everyone needs “me time.”
But I think now I am also willing to accept that I do.